The Artistry Of Glorified Bullshit

A critical view of groupthink and cult dynamics in today's world

Social Engineering

The Bedroom Door

Recovered post and comments.

Disclaimer:  This post does not refer to any type of sexual abuse or illegal sexual activity concealed by the secrecy of a very private life. It only refers to legal acts between consenting adults. It is not intended to claim anyone should be able to do anything behind closed doors, that sexual education is not important or that awareness of predatory behaviour in the home environment should not be raised.

Its only purpose is to criticise the abundance of guidelines making life more confusing and dissatisfying for the average individual. Likewise, it is meant as a criticism of the current habit of surrendering very private information to groups of strangers in hopes of improving one’s condition (such as looking for advice on forums to solve a personal dilemma).


It should go back to being shut. And locked.

Given the amount of “helpful” guidelines found everywhere from TV programs to magazines, I am surprised media consumers still engage in the blessed activity, with the amount of inhibition said material must cause. Reading about sex must be the biggest put-off ever.

One can rarely access a mainstream publication which includes a lifestyle section without automatically seeing some advice on bedroom behaviour. Here is a short list of things you’ll find yourself reading about, out of curiosity:

  • What to do / not to do to avoid your sex life being boring;
  • What feedback to request from your partner (to avoid your sex life being boring) and how to request it;
  • What ”achievements” to aim for and how to measure your success;
  • How often you should do it for a healthy (read not boring) sex life;
  • How to tell if your relationship/ marriage failed due to your abysmal sex life;
  • Eccentric ideas for spicing up your boring sex life;
  • Fetishes (which often make you laugh or lose your breakfast on the keyboard) and how to perform unnatural – yet trendy – acts without ending up in the hospital;
  • How sad your life is if you don’t have sex on a regular basis (even if you’re single) and how you’ll go insane if you don’t start picking up strangers in bars;
  • What your partner really likes and how your partner really thinks (assuming you have no idea);
  • Your own drive and desires kindly explained to you (assuming as an adult you are not aware of them already); how to tell if you’re really enjoying yourself as much as you think you are;
  • How your sex drive can be offensive to others (if you are male);
  • How to use rejection to your advance and then behave like a nymphomaniac (if you are female);
  • How to start a conversation with a potential partner (because even basic human interaction has become an art or a trade needing taught);
  • How everything you do in bed can be perceived as sexist (if you are male);
  • How to scrutinise men’s behaviour for sexism constantly (if you are female);
  • Masturbation tutorials (because no one has ever figured that one out on their own);
  • What to eat/ what not to eat and drink before, after and even during sex;
  • What to say and what not to say;


What you need to understand is that your sex life needs improvements. Whatever you’re doing, you’re not doing it well enough, and if you somehow get it right, you’re not doing enough of it. You need help and you need it now, unless you are already impotent, frigid or freaked out after reading expert guidelines for a few hours.

Although men are, in my view, the most targeted category right now, with a plethora of feminist instructions on what they should not do to women (down to minute details), women get their fair share, guaranteed to make them as insecure as possible.

If one takes to heart everything they read on this subject, sex sounds like the most difficult test to ever pass and one to be avoided if possible, as a thousand things could go wrong any second. They’d probably feel less pressure trying to neutralise an explosive chemical compound, as chemistry at least provides exact rules.

What ever happened to the good old days when people would just close the door behind them and let things unfold naturally, without needing others’ validation for their climaxes or lack thereof? After all, that has worked well enough since the beginning of human life on this planet (except for times when doors did not exist and societies where privacy was not habitual, of course). You get my point. This is madness.

How can someone enjoy sex if they analyse every second of it to death; when joy itself must be measured with robotic precision?

Dating advice one finds in popular publications – or in general – tends to be ridiculous, involving a lot of manipulation and regulating the smallest details of the interaction; one could write a ”how to successfully steal a purse” tutorial in the same tone. It’s depressing to think that such advice might actually be followed by those who don’t know any better. It’s depressing to think that people have become so cold, so estranged from each other they need instructions on how to say hello and how to look someone in the eye. Is it too soon? Is it appropriate? What will they assume? How many milliseconds should it last?

Out of curiosity, I did a Google search on stupid sex advice. Cosmopolitan seems to get the crown, with others such as Men’s Health or Maxim following closely behind. With the growing popularity of kinky acts, some offer advice which might just send people to the emergency room, involving biting, roughing up men’s genitals and stabbing one’s partner with a fork. People reading that creepy bullshit on a regular basis are presumably busy trying to keep up with new trends and ideas, forgetting their intimacy is nobody’s business.

Whilst the lack of sexual education is thought to be a problem in third world countries, causing injuries, premature birth and many deaths, the first world is running out of orifices to penetrate and objects to ram up, in search of that elusive ”ultimate experience”, as nothing seems to ever be enough.


  1. Stefan

    May I disagree? We’ll never know what happened behind closed doors in the good old days. Maybe it was better than today, maybe it was worse. It was different. Yes, it was something, nobody talked about. Is it better to talk about sex in the media? I don’t know. But it’s definitely better to talk about sex in a relationship. And the fact, that it’s not a taboo to talk about sex at all, is a good start.

    DECEMBER 8, 2015

    • Maria

      Precisely. We don’t know. Nobody judged because nobody knew; people were free to do anything they liked without being self-conscious.

      I’m not referring to relationships; I’m referring to the media coverage of something that belongs between two people.

      DECEMBER 8, 2015

      • Stefan

        “Nobody judged because nobody knew; people were free to do anything they liked without being self-conscious.”

        Yes, nobody judges. Do you know when marital rape became a criminal offense in my country? In 1997. And do you know why it was so hard to change the law? Everyone said “When it happens behind closed doors, it is not our concern.” I am a victim of sexual abuse as a child. And I never told anyone what happened to me, because this was something my abuser told me, belongs only between the two of us. It happened behind the closed bedroom door.

        DECEMBER 8, 2015

        • Maria

          I’m really sorry about that and I can now understand why you reacted that way to my post.

          However, I was referring to other matters entirely, meaning between consenting adults and legal; I assumed that interpretation was a given.

          If it’s any better, I’ll add a disclaimer later.

          The theme I approached was the negative effect of excessive exposure to sex advice, which results in feelings of inadequacy – in normal people, not abusers, that is.

          DECEMBER 9, 2015

  2. Lisa

    Sexual satisfaction is about transcending self, not analyzing, watching self and partner for violations of some arbitrary psycho-sexual code.

    Happiness, too, cannot be pursued as an end goal but as a byproduct of doing something meaningful — often an act of creativity, gesture of kindness etc… So much of the richness in life happens when we are ‘looking away.’

    FEBRUARY 22, 2016

    • Maria

      My thoughts exactly.

      FEBRUARY 22, 2016


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Create your website at
Get started
%d bloggers like this: